


Psycho Analysis

by asododsteel



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Board Games, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Psychoanalysis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-02
Updated: 2014-10-21
Packaged: 2018-02-15 19:54:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2241426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asododsteel/pseuds/asododsteel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Pre-Scratch trolls decide that Damara needs therapy, and there's only one troll fit for the job. Unfortunately, that troll is Kankri.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Nine dead trolls were gathered around a table. The topic of discussion: Damara Megido.  
“You can’t just trivialize the situation like that!” spoke Aranea, “The facts of the matter are that Damara is out of control and you have done nothing to stop her.”  
“It’s not my fault.” said Rufioh. “I try to talk to her, but she won’t listen to me.”  
“Which is exactly why this meeting is so necessary. We will be reuniting with Meenah soon, and if we don’t find some way to deal with Damara, they’ll be at each other’s throats and tearing the Furthest Ring apart before we even have time to formulate a stratagem to defeat Lord English.”  
“There’s also the matter of our ancestors/descendants.” added Porrim, “They will be intersecting our Dream Bubble soon, and we cannot have Damara running amok causing who-knows-what kind of trouble while we’re trying to make a good impression.”  
“I don’t see what the big deal is.” Rufioh said, “I mean its not like she’s done anything that bad, right? I mean sure, a prank here, an off-color insinuation there, that one incident with the Horsaponi. But it’s not like she’s ever hurt anyone. That badly I mean.”  
“She killed Meenah.” Aranea spat.  
“Okay, valid point.” admitted Rufioh, his hands up appealingly “But that was like a million sweeps ago. She’s mellowed out a lot since then, right guys?”  
“I don’t know.” said Latula. “D-Girl still seems like bad news to me. I’ve checked her sneaking around, doing weird things to other ghosts. I don’t wanna spread any bad vibes about a sister, but I don’t think its safe letting her do as she pleases.”  
“Especially with the threat of Lord English.” said Meulin, “Beating him is our top priority, and we can’t let anything get in the way of that. Isn’t that right Kurloz?” Kurloz nodded, his stitched up lips forming a sincere smile.”  
“I say vwe just kill the bitch.” said Cronus.  
“No!” shouted Rufioh, “That’s not gonna happen.”  
“It does seem a bit drastic.” said Horuss, “She is our friend after all.”  
“With friendth like that who needth fucking enemieth.” lisped Mituna.  
Horuss said, “But surely there must be a peaceful way to pacify our rust blooded companion?”  
“My sentiments exactly! Minus the analogous hate speech of course.”  
Into the Dream Bubble walked Kankri Vantas, head held high and mouth ready to ramble. “Pardon my lateness everyone. It seems my invitation to this little discussion was lost in transit. It was only through sure serendipity that I was even made aware of the assembly at all.”  
“Kanny, there were no invitations.” said Porrim, “We didn’t want you coming to this meeting.”  
“Why ever not? We are discussing how to best help our foreign friend, yes? Surely you require my expertise in this matter.”  
“The thing is Kanklez,” said Latula, “we’re talking ‘bout a lotta serious stuff right now, and the stuff we’re gonna talk about isn’t the kinda stuff you’d probably be comfortable talking about.  
“What she’s trying to say Kankri,” said Aranea, “is that we are discussing how to deal with Damara, not how to help her. There isn’t going to be any room for oversensitivity.”  
“Oversensitivity? I assure you I only show, will show, and have ever shown the ideal amount of sensitivity when discussing matters of dubious content. In regards to our friend Damara, I don’t think it requires much undue sensibility to realize that all she needs is a little compassion.”  
“What she needth is a fucking straightjacket.” said Mituna, “and maybe a shrink to go with it.”  
“That’s actually not a bad idea, actually.” said Horrus.  
“A straightjacket?” asked Meulin.  
“Neigh a therapist.” Horrus said, “Someone to get to the root cause of her aggression...” He said the last word slowly, drawing it out in an affected manner.  
“I suppose that might work,” Aranea said, her finger resting against her bottom lip in evaluation, “Assuming we could find someone to talk to her.”  
“Yeah right!” scoffed Cronus, “Vwhere are vwe gonna find someone suicidal enough to try to crack that nutcase?”  
“Ahem.” Everyone turned to Kankri. “As I said before, I am willing to lend my services to the cause of our friend’s aid.”  
“You want to psychoanalyze Damara?” Porrim asked incredulously, “Do you even know anything about psychoanalysis?”  
“I’ve read a bit about it. From what I understand, it is simply a matter of listening to someone’s problems and helping them feel better about them, an art the likes of which I have much experience in.”  
“There’s still a language barrier to consider.” said Rufioh, “I know the rest of you have trouble understanding Damara’s accent. You can’t therapize someone if you can’t communicate with them.”  
“I do not think that will be a problem. During the eternity I have spent perfecting my rhetoric and researching social justice, I devoted an extensive period of time to the study of East Beforan society and culture. I believe that I have enough of an understanding of their writing and speech to bridge the cultural gap.”  
“Why haven’t you ever mentioned that before?” asked Porrim  
“I didn’t want to offend anyone with my flagrant act of cultural appropriation.”  
“I dunno Kan-man,” said Latula, “do you really think you’ll be able to hold a conversation with her? Like actually talk to her for long periods of time without flipping out? The girl isn’t exactly rocking the most PC vocab if you know what I mean.”  
“I shall make it a priority not to be triggered by any problematic terminology she is bound to use. Besides, if Damara is truly in need of psychotherapy, there is a chance that her supposed foul language could simply be the end result of some Tourette’s-like mental disorder, and we can’t disparage her for that.”  
“That’s not how Tourette’th Syndrome works retard!” said Mituna.  
“Irrelevant.” said Kankri, “And I’d appreciate it if you’d refrain from using such ableist slurs. They are highly offensive and could potentially trigger those who suffer from such neurological conditions.”  
“I’m sorry.” said Mituna.  
“Seriously half-vwit.” said Cronus, “You can’t be throwing around terms like that. You gotta be more sensitive to others’ feelings.”  
“I’m sorry.” said Mituna.  
“And vwhile vwe’re at it-”  
“All right, cool it down fellas.” Latula broke in, “Lets get back to the things we were talking about before. Thinks that actually matter and junk.”  
“Was there ever a point where we discussed things such as that?” asked Porrim.  
“Not that I can remember.” Aranea replied with a grin.  
“Things not mattering aside,” said Rufioh, “Are you sure you can handle this Kankri? I get that you’re confident and all, but this is a big fucking deal right here. It’s a lot of responsibility yo.”  
“I can, with the utmost certainty, affirm my ability to manage Damara’s mental well being. I promise that, under my tutelage, you all shall see a completely new side of Damara Megido.”  
“Well,” chimed Meulin, “I suppose that’s that. Meeting adjourned everyone! Bring out the Faygo!” On cue, Kurloz produced from under the table several 2-liter bottles of the wicked elixir. How long they had been under there or how Kurloz planned on drinking them with a stitched up mouth were anyone’s guess. Kankri looked upon his friends in their merriment and sighed. He was glad he could convince the others to allow him to help, but that was the easy part. The hard part would be convincing Damara.


	2. Chapter 2

Damara Megido sat alone in a dream bubble, surrounded by the memory of her wooden village back in Beforus. She did not appear to be daydreaming or deep in thought. She simply sat there, silently. This silence was soon broken, however, by the intrusion of another into the bubble.

“Hey Damara.” came a voice behind her

“<Rufioh.>” She replied without looking in his direction. The brown-blood walked up and sat down beside her.

“So... How’s it going?”

“<Splendid. What do you want?>”

“Well... Remember how we talked about you acting nicer around the others, maybe not giving them so much trouble all the time?”

“<I remember. You talked. I ignored.>”

“Yeah well, the others and I have been doing some thinking and, uh... Well its just that... The thing is...” 

“<Out with it horse-fucker.>”

“We just thought that maybe it would be for the best if you got some help. 

“<Help?>”

You know, so we can find the reason for all of your... Hostility.”

“<You seek to pacify me?>”

“No no, nothing like that doll. We were just thinking that maybe you’d feel better if you had someone to talk to, you know, about your problems.”

“<I have no problems>.” 

“That’s the thing, doll. You might have some that you don’t even realize are problems.”

“<If I did, I would have no desire to share them with you.>”

“Yeah, about that...” Rufioh turned towards the entrance to the bubble and made a beckoning gesture. In walked Kankri. 

“<You are joking!>” laughed Damara, “<You expect me to open up to this chatty bastard?>”

“He claims to know some stuff about psychoanalysis; and quite frankly, he’s the only one willing to try it with you.”

“<Fine then. Let him probe my mind. And other places.>” 

“Uh, Damara.”

“<I will have him on his knees pleasuring me in a matter of hours.>”

“Damara, I probably should have mentioned this earlier, but he can understand everything you say.”

“<What?>” Her blank ghost eyes widened.

“And while I appreciate your sudden and largely unsolicited interest,” said Kankri, “I am afraid I will not be able to reciprocate your affections nor indulge your desires for physical intimacy, due both to my personal vows of chastity, and to simple professional ethics. I can however, in the course of our sessions, suggest some more appropriate outlets for your carnal urges, and perhaps some less blatant means of expressing your _unique_ ardor.”

“And _that_ is my cue to leave.” said Rufioh, stepping away from the red faced girl holding her head in her hands. “Good luck you two. Hope you make some progress.” Kankri watched as the troll fled the dream bubble, before turning his attention back to Damara.

“Well, I suppose we should get started. Now where to begin?”

“<Go away.>” said Damara, face still hidden behind her hands.

“Come now Damara, why don’t you tell me everything that’s bothering you.”

“<You are bothering me. Go away.>”

“I know that new experiences are frightening, and that the idea of therapy may be somewhat off-putting, but just bear with it and you may find it paying off in the long run. Not to say that this will be a long drawn out process. We will not need to have these sessions for too long, just long enough to curb your destructive impulses.

“<Fuck you.>” 

Kankri sighed and sat the ideal distance away from Damara, close enough to be personable but not so close as to invade her personal space.

He pulled out a copy of _Psychological Analysis for Assholes_. Despite the problematic title and some less than polite narration, it was a fairly informational read. It was given to him by Kurloz shortly after the meeting. Where Kurloz managed to obtain it or what he had planned on using it for were anyone’s guess. After flipping through a few pages, he found the section he was looking for: Unresponsiveness.

“Alright Damara... I hate to say this, but you have to admit that you have a problem. Your anti-social attitude is highly detrimental to both yourself and others.”

Damara didn’t respond.

“I realize that it might make you uncomfortable discussing these kinds of topics, but this is for your own benefit. You can never expect to be truly happy if you keep alienating yourself from your friends.”

“<Happy?>” Damara looked up. “<Such an emotion is dead to me.>”

“All the more reason for you to accept my help. I consider it a great opportunity given my objectively exceptional skills.”

“<Go to Hell.>”

Kankri shuddered then took a deep breath.

“Look, I am not asking for much. All I ask is that you trust me.”

“<Why? Why should I trust you? Of all trolls?>”

“Because aside from Rufioh, I’m the only one who understands you, I’m the only one who wants to help you, and I’m the only one who can figure out what’s wrong with you!”

It took him a second to realize that he had been shouting. Damara looked at him in disgust. She got up and began walking away.

“Damara wait! I’m sorry, I did not mean to offend you. Please don’t go!”

She stopped just short of the dream bubble’s entrance and turned back to him.

“<You may comprehend my speech. But you will never understand me.>”

And then she was gone. Kankri sat alone in the dream bubble.

“Well. Fuck. Oh, excuse me.”

 


	3. Chapter 3

Kankri stood outside of the memory of Porrim’s hive.  
“Go on Kankri” he thought to himself. “You can do this. Just knock on the door.”  
He hesitated. “Just... knock... on.. the door...” He didn’t move. “You know, I’m in no hurry. Maybe I’ll just come back later.”  
“Kankri Vantas!” came a voice from inside the hive “You’ve been standing out there for ten minutes now. Stop being weird and get in here!” Kankri jumped and threw open the door, before remembering that Porrim wasn’t the boss of him. Regaining his composure, he walked inside in a manner he probably though looked dignified. He found Porrim inside the living room, accompanied by Aranea.  
“Oh, I’m sorry.” said Kankri, “I hope I am not interrupting yet another of your numerous red trysts.” Aranea blushed.  
“Kankri, don’t be rude.” said Porrim.  
“Again, I apologize. I had no intention of shaming your extraordinary promiscuity.”  
Porrim sighed. “Was there a point to your visit, or have you come simply to insult me.”  
“Actually,” said Kankri, “you might find this hard to believe, but I’m having a bit of trouble with Damara.”  
“Really?”  
“Yes, shocking I know. Despite all my efforts and experience, I have been unable to connect with her.”  
“I certainly can’t imagine why that would be.”  
“Indeed, and while I hate to trouble you with such a task, especially when you are so clearly busy being the village two wheel device, I was wondering if you could possibly offer any advice.”  
“In regards to psychoanalysis? Have you considered that perhaps you are not as qualified as you think you are? Especially considering you have never actually done anything like this before?”  
“I have not. I don’t see why I would need outstanding qualifications to comfort a friend.”  
“Do you really think Damara considers you a friend?” asked Aranea.  
“Of course, why wouldn’t she?” said Kankri.  
“When’s the last time you’ve spoken with her?” asked Porrim, “Aside from your recent failed attempt?”  
“Uh...” Kankri though for a second. “She sat in on one of my lectures a few sweeps ago. I’m fairly sure she wasn’t asleep.”  
“I see.” said Aranea. “Well, if I know anything about the dynamics behind interpersonal relationships, and I do, its that they all depend upon trust. You cannot expect her to confide in you if she doesn’t trust you.”  
“Are you implying she does not trust me?”  
“Given what happened between her and Rufioh, I wouldn’t be surprised if she had trouble trusting anyone.”  
“So what do you propose?” asked Porrim.  
“Well, since it is apparent that he doesn’t know Damara as well as he thinks he does, I think that if Kankri simply tried to get to know her, he’d have an easier time understanding her problems and getting her to share her feelings.”  
“And how would I go about that?” asked Kankri, “She has made it perfectly clear that she has no desire to listen to me.”  
“Perhaps that’s the problem.” said Aranea, “It’s not about you, it’s about Damara. If you truly want to know what it’s like to be her, you’ll have to start seeing things from her perspective. While you see yourself as a benevolent teacher trying to guide a lost soul, she sees you as an invasive presence trying to interfere in her life. The last person to do so was Meenah, and Skaia knows how well that turned out.”  
“Aranea,” said Kankri, “Not that I do not enjoy listening to your long-winded superfluous monologues, but it would be great if you could get to the point.”  
“She’s saying that instead of acting like a holier-than-thou, always in the right, always knows best paragon, you should bring yourself all the way down to our level and put yourself in Damara’s shoes.”  
“Again,” said Kankri, “The vagueness of your suggestions is making it increasingly difficult to understand what exactly you are suggesting. Could you please provide something a bit more substantial?”  
“Very well.” said Aranea, “I shall try to make this as simple as possible. Damara needs therapy. You can provide therapy. Damara doesn’t like you. You need her to like you to provide therapy. Get her to like you and you can provide therapy and we can put this ridiculous situation behind us. Was that concise enough for you?”  
“And before you ask,” said Porrim, “If you want her to like you well enough to actually tolerate your presence for extended periods of time, you should try appealing to her interests.”  
“Such as?”  
“I honestly have no idea. Why don’t you ask Rufioh. He knows her better than anyone.”  
"They do have quite the history…" quipped Aranea.  
That was actually a good idea. Kankri felt stupid for not thinking of it earlier.

Kankri found Damara in the memory of her planet, lounging upon the quartz surface of the Cardinal Movement. She did not react to his entrance, seemingly content to ignore him for as long as possible.  
“Hello Damara, I hope you are doing well.” He gave a friendly smile.  
She opened one eye. “<I am excellent. Fuck off.>” 

“Right... I simply wanted to apologize for my previous actions. I realize now that I have been acting insensitively, and you are fully justified in how you feel. I do hope, however, that we can still be friends.”

“<Whatever. Get lost.>”

“Of course, of course. I’d hate to overstay my welcome. But before I go, would you be willing to play a short round of Go?”  
“<Go?>” Damara opened both eyes and propped herself up on her elbows.

“Yes.” said Kankri, pulling out a board and two bags of stones. “Rufioh informed me that it was one of your favorite games back on Beforus. I have never personally had the opportunity to play myself, but I believe that I have a good enough understanding of the basic rules and underlying strategy. What do you say?”  
Damara glared at him, then at the board, then back at him.  
“<One game.>” she said, “<Then you leave.>”


	4. Chapter 4

Kankri held up the two bags. “White or black?”

“<Black.>” said Damara, taking her stones.

“Very well then, let us begin! It’s your move I believe.”

Damara placed a piece on the lower left side of the board. “<Your move.>”

“Okay.” said Kankri. He placed a white stone on the adjacent intersection above Damara’s stone. She raised an eyebrow then placed a stone to the right of her first piece, starting a line. 

“Hmm!” Kankri exclaimed dramatically, before placing a piece above Damara’s second stone.

“<You are trying to capture all my pieces at once.>” She placed her third piece on the edge of the board, two spaces down and one space to the left of her first piece. 

“But of course. That is the main strategy of the game is it not? Place as many of your stones on the board as you can while removing your opponent’s?” Kankri said, putting his third stone to the right of Damara’s second.

“<We’ll see.>” Damara said as she placed her fourth piece to the left of Kankri’s first.

“Oh, on the offensive are we?” asked Kankri, “Well I believe two can play at this game.” He placed his fourth stone below her second, blocking it on three sides.

“<You’re quite confidant for a novice,>” she said, placing a piece below her first one, extending the chain into a ladder, “<but I will not be so easily beat.>”

“Neither shall I” said Kankri, putting a piece on the edge of the board below Damara’s last one and cutting off the chain. Damara smirked briefly, before placing a stone to the right of that piece and capturing one of Kankri’s pieces. “<You were saying?>”

“Wait, how did you... Oh, I forgot. The edge of the board can be used for capturing.” recited Kankri, “A minor setback, but nothing I cannot recover from.” He placed his next piece to the left of Damara’s first, only for her to place a piece to the right of his fourth, capturing it.

“Oh dear.” said Kankri, “I did not anticipate this.”

“<You have to mind your liberties.>” explained Damara, “<Make sure they are not so easily taken>.”

“Right...” Kankri muttered. He placed a piece below his last one, hoping to cut off Damara’s expansion. She responded by placing a piece to the left of the one above his, threatening to surround the chain. He lengthened his chain into a ladder, hoping to prevent being captured next turn, only for her to place her next piece to the left of her last one on the left edge of the board, boxing him in. 

“Oh my...” murmured Kankri. He placed a piece two spaces above his last one, hoping to capture either of the two pieces threatening to capture his chain, only for Damara to place a stone above the upper piece, extending it into a chain. Kankri realized dismally that there was no way for him to capture that piece and free his stones before Damara captured them. At this point, the game was already lost. Kankri wondered if he would be better off just forfeiting the match and leaving. He was in over his head as it were. Perhaps the entire enterprise had been a mistake. Perhaps the others were right, and he really wasn’t as capable as he thought he was. Kankri was just about to throw in the towel when he remembered the hurt look on Damara’s face the last time they spoke. The disgust she showed at his lack of understanding, and the somber way she resigned herself to eternal unhappiness. No! He couldn’t let that happen. Friend or not, he could never give up on someone suffering so much pain, and he certainly wouldn’t give up now. Basking in this newfound determination, Kankri lifted up his next piece and placed it confidently in an empty space.

 

Damara glanced over the board. The game went on much longer than she could have imagined. It looked like her opponent was going to quit after the first few rounds, but he somehow managed to regain his resolve and power through to the end. He even began laughing at one point, when he had finally been able to capture one of her pieces. Of course, she still managed to beat him without making the slightest hint of an effort; but the thrill of that small accomplishment appeared to have erased all signs of disappointment in his eyes. It seemed to Damara that, underneath all his talk and bravado, Kankri was just a kid at heart. Looking up at him now, she saw that he was still smiling as he examined the outcome of the game. The majority of his pieces had been taken, empty swatches of Damara’s territory marking where they had once resided. 

“I must say, you are quite the virtuoso at this game.” he told her.

“<I should be.>” she said, “<I have been playing since before I pupated.>”

“It seems that I, on the other hand, have quite a lot of room for improvement.” He chuckled casually.

“<Your biggest problem is your tactics.>” she said as she began gathering her stones, “<You focus so much on making big plays, that you let your pieces get captured before you can make them.>”

“But isn’t this a game of long term strategy? It only makes sense to plan your moves ahead, to make small sacrifices for the sake of bigger rewards down the road.>”

Damara shook her head. “<It is more complicated than that. While it is always good to have a long term goal, you cannot forget about immediate dangers. It is the small, scattered battles that decide the war.>” As Kankri sat contemplating this nugget of board game related wisdom, Damara began returning his pieces to their bag. It was only upon seeing this that it occurred to Kankri that the game was over and his time was up. Damara noticed the smile leave his face, and as he picked himself up to leave she spoke, “<You are not staying for round two?>”

“Round two?” he asked, surprise evident in his voice.

“<Of course. How else are you to improve your skill? Assuming you have the time.>”

“Damara,” Kankri grinned as he sat himself back down, “I think you will find that I am made of time.”

“<And I the Witch.>”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies to those who don't know how to play Go.


End file.
